Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
