fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
