so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
