i think my tv is drunk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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