I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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