he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
