so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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