Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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