So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We had to coat check the pizza.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
