"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
