Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
