batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The uberlube is also flammable
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
