It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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