dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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