Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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