If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
