Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
