I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There r osticjed everywhere
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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