I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
