Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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