i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
