I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
