I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
