did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
