Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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