She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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