Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
