go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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