I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
