This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's shark week go big or go home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
