wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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