the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
