theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize