So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
