Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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