i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
