i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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