There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
