well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
