There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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