I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
