evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
