Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
