i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
