Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
