But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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