I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
