No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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