I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize