turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize