Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
