I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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