quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
