you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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