In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
