So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My pussy is not your playground.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
