He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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