God gave him joint rollers for hands
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
