Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
NoShamevember. You game?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
