I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
