Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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