i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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