you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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