I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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