Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
