Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
