Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
