I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize