Sry I called you an 8
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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