Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
