She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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