so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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