bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My vagina is officially offended.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
