If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
