Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize