This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
