I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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