I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
