wakey wakey hands off snakey
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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