She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
