you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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