no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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