Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A bitchslap is in order.
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