if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
