he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize