She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
