So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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