It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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