we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
