VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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