and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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