so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
