What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
