I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i now understand why vodka
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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