Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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