I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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