Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
