we're blogging at a bar
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
