She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
