Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
