Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
