I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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